It has been just over a year of non-stop treatment for Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I finished my first six months of the chemo cocktail ABVD, the standard treatment for HL and usually a cure. We were very optimistic. I had handled treatment very well and even ran a 5K race with my children to celebrate. Little did we know I would only get a few weeks of feeling done before finding I still had HL and my next treatment path would be a new cocktail of ICE followed by a stem cell transplant. I am now on the recovery side of this craziness and as I have said before, starting my new marathon.
There are so many good days but, occasionally I have to allow myself to feel some of the anger. Earlier in June I wrote in my journal about a morning I was feeling sorry for myself and impatient about everything. I reread a quote several times to try and bring me out of my funk. "Always remember that your present situation is not your final destination. The best is yet to come." On this morning I just did not feel it yet. My days at that moment we spent walking just enough that I was not too tired. Searching for food that might taste good. Needing a four hour nap and then waiting for Robert to get home and spend time with him.
That day in June I was mad and lonely. Nothing will be the same again and I am afraid of the new normal. The pages of my journal vary greatly. All the many feelings that cancer causes. Mostly, I am positive and write so that I do not forget. I remind myself that I am surviving this not just for me but for my family and especially for Robert. For US.
Today, Monday July 6 2015, I am in a much better place and I have made so much progress in such a short period of time. My goals continue to improve and change, sometimes daily. I am still impatient about many things. But happy for so many more. This is the last week of real confinement. Saturday ends the need for a mask every time I leave the house. Walking daily with a mask on is bothersome. I have been able to quickly increase my walking distance with out being overly tired. My daily naps rarely go longer than an hour. Food has finally begun to have taste again. In general, I feel good.
This leads to more frustrations. I still cannot clean my own house, no gardening and crowded public places are still dangerous for another 30days. There is so much to look forward to and I have set myself some goals. These goals get me back to me, the me that keeps me the happiest. This isn't the old me, because she is unable to exist any longer.
- Continue to walk daily and increase distance as my body allows.
- Begin 5K training July 20. New me, new program. Still walk on off days
- Run 5K race September 19th. This date is also my 100 day mark. An important celebration of my life.
- Continue running and work to compete in half marathon June 2016. One year post transplant.
These are MY immediate make me feel good goals. Writing them down gives me renewed energy. I have many things that will change and have changed due to my experiences. I will spend more time with my friends. They bring a different kind of happiness outside of my marriage happiness. Do more with my husband and see more. Play with my grand-babies. Watch, listen and enjoy the small things.
As you read this I hope to pass on a simple message. One that will inspire you to take action sooner. Don't wait for a serious illness, that in your mind you think won't happen to you or a loved one. Don't wait for the tragedy. Take action now and enjoy you more, your partner more, your family and your friends.
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